Tonight, there is a three and a half-year-old little girl sleeping soundly in this house. She arrived three and a half years ago–a tiny, beautiful princess. The call came, and as I sat at my desk at work, I could hardly contain my excitement. A girl?! A princess?! We had been waiting so long for a little lady to dress in all the tutus we had accumulated over the years of infertility and loss. It couldn’t be true, could it?! Oh, it was. It was as true as can be as I walked into that hospital nursery, and they placed her gorgeous self in my waiting arms. Being a foster parent changed my life.

I held her, and I knew this was what God had created me to do. He had created me to love babies…to love all the babies. The ones born to me, the ones adopted by me, and the ones with parents who had some difficult roads.

As I held her I prayed and I asked Him to hold her parents, to ease their burden, to comfort their hearts. It would be a prayer that would continue for three and a half years and on. My love for her was instant, and I became very protective of her. I knew that from that moment, in that hospital, that I would do whatever necessary to keep her safe and loved for the rest of her life. God allowed me the privilege of loving one that I would have to fight for and nothing in my life has been as easy or as difficult as the road that followed. Foster care will change your life.

Being a foster parent will change your life.

We took her home that weekend and showed her off to our family and friends. She was showered with oohs and aahs, dressed up, and pranced around like the queen of her own kingdom that she was. Life got crazy with an 18-month-old boy and a new princess, but we made it work. After about six months we started to feel like we weren’t just surviving, but actually living and loving every second. Foster care will change your life.

One-hour weekly visits with bio mom and bio dad were the norm, and we all slid into them fairly unscathed. We managed to get along quite well and eventually began to text back and forth daily. Her bio mom loved getting all the pictures of our adventures, and I loved sending them and making her smile. She had a rough life, and to walk this journey how God created me to, I needed to show her much grace and mercy, just as I had been shown.

I asked questions, she gave me advice on how to do her hair, she walked her out to our car and put her in her seat after every visit. She bought her clothes and snacks and loved her well. We loved her, but we also knew that her chances of reunifying were very slim. Always in the forefront of our mind was the fact that we were in charge of advocating for this baby’s best. Foster care will change your life.

Foster care will change your life.

We moved through a year quickly and our prayer was always that God’s will would be done, but He knew what we wanted. We wanted this baby to be our baby, our forever princess. There were whispers and discussions in high places in regards to a relative out of state–some family member that may want to adopt this baby. What? It had been a year. Where did they come from? Where have they been? What are you talking about? We are her family. She loves us. We love her. This cannot really be, can it? It most definitely was, and we began to understand more about a system that is so devastatingly backward. We hit our knees in prayer and with more tears than one journey should ever hold. Foster care will change your life.

Our decision to fight was not an easy one. Well, I should say it was easy and difficult at the same time. When we looked at her–her beautiful smile, her hilarious giggle, her unstable walk, her crazy hair, her sassy attitude–it was the easiest decision in the world to make. The instability of a system that is not a family made it very difficult. Foster care classes didn’t quite prepare us for this point–the point when they want to take your baby away from you and send her to a stranger. A stranger to you and a stranger to her. How could we possibly walk through something like this? Foster care will change your life. 

We continued to walk through the fire as our lawyer and her guardian ad litem worked their magic all around us. God–that Guy who told us she would be one we would fight for–He pulled some miracles here and there also. We walked through monthly visits across the country and watched as our baby girl tried to make sense of it all. Why would we ship her off to a place she wasn’t used to? She came back angry and showed it through meltdown after meltdown. As she got older her behavior changed from anger to sadness; she would return and hug the walls of her room and tell them she missed them. It was heartbreaking to watch. The effects of a system gone terribly wrong. Foster care will change your life.

We weren’t going down without a fight.

After years of a back and forth system, a decision was finally made, and it was to move our daughter away from the only family she had ever known, for almost three full years of her life. That day I fell on my knees, for the millionth time, and cried in the middle of my kitchen floor as my three children ran circles around me. They had no idea the devastation that had just been declared. In that moment, I realized one thing…it wasn’t over until God said it was over. She was still in our home. She was dancing, she was singing, she was smiling, she was still home. We weren’t going down without a fight. Foster care will change your life.

There was one month between the call that blew up our world and the call that put it all back together. Do systems change their minds? Do they make a final decision and change it? Go back and re-evaluate. Can someone’s words make them take another look? Have you ever had so much hope in the unseen? Had so much faith in what God can do? Loved a child so much that you would fight until it BROKE you in all the ways that someone can be broken? April 7th will be a day we will remember forever–the day that God made sure the system knew that He was bigger than they were. Your daughter, the one you fought for, the one you have loved, the one you have cherished, the one you have stood up for, advocated for and screamed loud for…she’s yours. Forever. I hit my knees, again. Foster care will change your life.

Being a foster parent will change your life, friends, in all the ways that a life can be changed. Get ready because you have no idea what is coming…Foster care will change your life.

The post How Being A Foster Parent Has Changed My Life appeared first on Adoption Centers | NYC, Utah, CA, Texas, GA, FL, Illinois.

So what are 5 things your foster child needs from you?

It is 10 pm on a Wednesday night. You are ready for bed; you are in your PJs, you are loading the dishwasher, you are tidying up the living room, you are plugging your phone in for the night. As you walk away from that plugged in phone, it rings. You stare at your husband who is standing across the room, ready for bed also, and you slowly answer that call.

An hour later a beautiful and terrified 8-year-old little girl walks in carrying her tiny, sleepy 9-month-old baby brother. She doesn’t say a word and stares around the room with wide eyes and then immediately runs to sit down on the nearest couch. The caseworker hands you a bag with a bottle and one can of formula in it, tells you their names and says, ‘Thank you so much, you will hear from another worker in the morning.’

Alrighty…so, here you are. What do you do now? What do you say? What do they need? What don’t they need? This was me just a few short years ago; let me see if I can help you out.

1. Listen To Your Child & Have Patience

The first thing a foster child needs is a lot of patience and a lot of listening. After that caseworker walked out of our house, we started talking, and she started getting uncomfortable. We noticed it quickly and stopped ourselves, eventually. She didn’t need us to ask a bunch of questions that she didn’t have answers to or care to answer. She had just experienced one of the most traumatic events of her young life and our questions were the very last thing she wanted to hear.

We sat silently until she was ready to speak, even just to ask to use the restroom. That night we didn’t make her sleep in the designated bedroom that was approved by the county. She was terrified–she didn’t want to move off the couch. We brought her blankets and pillows and a pack-n-play for her brother. They both ended up sleeping on the couch together because that is what made them feel the safest.

2. Safety & Security

They may not always feel that way, but you must always show them that your home is a safe and secure place to be. They came from chaos, from trauma, from abuse. They need to see that a family can have its good days and its bad days, and everyone is still a team, still loves each other, and still functions without it becoming abusive. They need it, every single day.

3. Bio Parent Love

They need to know that you support their parents. It is hard. It is hard when they don’t show up for visits, when they don’t do the things required, when they just can’t seem to get it together, but it is necessary. They love them, and if they’ve been in your home for any amount of time, it is likely that they love you too. If they can see you encouraging their parent, helping them in any way possible and/or having a positive attitude in regards to it all, it will go miles.

4. Fun

Have tons of fun! These kids come from not-so-fun situations most of the time; they need to know that families have fun! Whatever you do for fun, take them along and include them. Vacations, day trips, amusement parks, out to eat, family game nights, movies, swimming. I took our 8-year-old little girl to the doctor in her few days with us, and afterwards I stopped at Chick-Fil-A, which was completely routine to me. She had no idea what Chick-Fil-A was, she had never been there before. She loved every second of it and had the biggest smile on her face the entire way home as she scarfed down her food. Fun and new experiences. They need them and love them.

5. Plain & Simple: Love

They need love. They need to feel it, see it, hear it, know it…deep within their bones. They need to know that no matter what, you love them. When no one else does and no one else did, you did. They need to see you love your significant other, love all the other kids in the home, love all extended family and friends. It will look different for each child, just like it does for any kid. Some will need time; some will need space; some will need hugs, some will not; some will need praise and encouragement; some will need pushed. Every child will be different. Love: they just need love.

Patience, a listening ear, safety, security, bio parent love, fun, and love. They don’t require a lot more than any other kid in order to thrive. Give them what they need and watch how they fly! Happy fostering!!!

The post 5 Things Your Foster Child Needs From You appeared first on Adoption Centers | NYC, Utah, CA, Texas, GA, FL, Illinois.